Why men should perform oral sex

I think practicing oral sex is one of the great things you can do in a relationship. Not as a main event of course, but I practice it most times we have sex. My wife is a fan, and I enjoy it.

It’s good to perform oral sex. It teaches you about your spouse, about their body, about what they like. It shows a real enthusiasm for them, it breaks down those walls of formality. If you never put your face down there and really show some love, it’s easy to keep your partner’s body, strange as it sounds, at a distance. But getting down there forces you to accept them, all of them, as loveable, and them to accept themselves, frankly, as loveable.

It’s an area that might seem kind of weird, or even ugly or gross, messy, generally unlovable. And as a man it can be a bit weird. I think it’s key to always strive to use it as a way to show acceptance and love of the other. You have to commit to yourself to show with all your attitude complete acceptance and excitement, that this personal intrusion of my face to your most private and delicate and vulnerable area is representative of me accepting and loving and pleasuring all of you. When you have your partner’s vulva or penis in your mouth, you’ve really got all of them in there.

Good hygiene, of course, helps a lot. My wife and I found a compromise when it came to shaving. She doesn’t shave everything, but she shaves the area around the main event, which is very helpful for oral sex. And, partly because of my own preference, I keep my personal area tidy too. Because why not remove any barriers and make it pleasant for her, if it’s something I want too? So I use a personal trimmer now and then (maybe once a month) to keep things groomed, just as I groom the hair on my head and face. I keep the length manageable and keep areas I want primed for personal attention more smooth and unobstructed. If it’s helpful to me, it’s probably helpful to her.

A bidet is very useful, especially to make sure everything is clean and pleasant. It can be tricky, bringing up suggestions to your partner about ways they could help you make oral sex more easy and pleasant. And sometimes you just need to take the hand you’re dealt for that particular encounter, and embrace what you have, even if the road isn’t paved as smoothly for you as you would like. But a little appreciation, some positive reinforcement, showing happiness and thankfulness for something you like, is very good. And recognizing a nice, secure moment when you can mention, casually, no pressure, that you appreciate being able to perform oral sex and it’s easier when things are freshly rinsed, clean-shaven, etc, that a great skill to develop.

It’s also sometimes nice to just be straightforward and ask for something; let your spouse know what you like and why you would appreciate it. This is harder for me, I’m not a direct sort of person. I come at everything from the side, and I’m very shy in particular about demanding anything sexually, so if I go to the trouble of mentioning anything casually it’s actually the result of enormous thought and feeling, and it matters enough to me that I felt a real need to express it.

Of course an enormous amount could be said about oral sex from a man’s viewpoint, but I’m most interested as a provider. It’s enjoyable to figure out different ways to give oral sex. The bathtub, for example, and also different positions, and different ways to use your mouth to give pleasure. And clever and kind hands can really add to the experience. Experimentation and exploration are a part of laying out new territory in a country you love and vakue.

My wife is less inclined to experiment and figure things out than I am. I probably know far more about both of our bodies than she knows about either. She’s a little squeamish about bodies, very much including her own, a bit of an ethereal being who doesn’t even like admitting she has veins. But over time she’s adjusted to my appreciation of her, so everyone can learn to embrace themselves more.

It’s a curious contrast that many features of my wife that she’s a bit embarrassed by or ashamed of I consider worthy of carving into mountains, that the whole universe should bow down and recognize their glory, worth commemorating forever. She’s great at some things women are generally supposed to have a hard time at. If I could, I would build a commemorative fountain to enshrine her greatness, but I think she wouldn’t appreciate that. So I worship and venerate her in private. And it’s good to talk, even if you’re a bit restrained, about expressing your feelings, like me, and even if your partner is a bit shy about the object of your passion, like her.

Not orgasming easily can be an issue also. Back when we used condoms, we had the problem that my wife couldn’t handle the delay between foreplay, applying a condom, and the main event. Either she would have already reached her peak, or she would find the drop while waiting too long and suddenly find things uncomfortable and stimulating in a bad way (the line between pleasure and discomfort can be very close).

She never liked condoms, she found them very annoying. And as a man, it’s a lot less intimate and pleasurable. And there’s nothing like being able to leave your semen inside someone. It’s deeply connected to our design, having that gift accepted and taken within (in any manner) is incredibly meaningful to a man. That semen is literally distilled essence of ourselves. So having it accepted and welcomed into another person means so, so much. And having it treated as gross of unwanted or rejected is equally deflating. Condoms are useful, but they block part of the emotional and psychological satisfaction of sex, just as much as the physical.

In any case, the acceptance of your partner’s fluids, treating them as a stand-in for your partner’s value, and your reaction to them as indicative of how you receive them as a person, is really important. I recommend reveling in them, delighting in them, abandoning yourself in them, as you revel and delight and abandon yourself in the ecstasy of your relationship to your partner. That came from within them, from a personal and vulnerable place in them. It’s a rare, special, and private thing that you get to experience and enjoy. Your partner is giving you a part of themselves them don’t give to anyone else. So show it the respect it deserves. Drink it like wine. Devour it like water in the desert. Be drunk and delerious on it.

And sure, I rinse out my mouth and wash my hands after oral sex, when I have a minute. But I never worry myself much about removing body fluids. Why should I? I spent 21 years earning the opportunity to gain that special privilege, and I wear it like a mark of her honor for me. I’m not degraded by having those fluids on me. I’m honored. I’m anointed. I’m greater than an emperor because of it.

There is no more significant or personal or elevated recognition, no award or title or honor I will ever receive in life greater than having my wife come on me (and letting me come in her). Whose honor and praise and acceptance could mean more than that of the person I have chosen above all others? In what more intimate and vulnerable and personal way could she demonstrate that acceptance and valuation? Naked, revealed, with our most sensitive and vulnerable areas, exchanging gifts distilled from our most personal essence that themselves carry the potential of new life birthed from that essence, declaring that that gift is desired, accepted, judged, delighted in, valuable; worthy of being preserved and multiplied and continued into the future. What more could you possibly do to convey your value of someone than to grant them that sort of honor? In that act you affirm their worthiness to continue, even after death, to become more than just an individual. It is an act that says: you are one, alone, temporary, soon to perish, and I love you and cherish you and wish you to be many and eternal. Nothing you ever do could say more.

So get in there and please your wife, your empress. Her honor of you is what makes you a king. Her juices in your mouth, her scent in your nostrils, the feel of her delicate folds against your tongue are a badge of ultimate, transcendent honor. So cherish it.